Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

Since this is a blog, not a private conversation, I should write this obliquely, come at it sideways so as not to offend. But, no. I will be straightforward, reckless.

We all love Papa. Remember his birthday? The videos, the written histories, the love that was expressed to him. Did he forget?

I am filled with hot, angry tears. What happened? When did my father turn into someone I don't know?

I am filled with guilt that I have been absent for so many years. That daddy probably doesn't even remember who I am. Even when I wasn't there, I knew he was.

I am filled with confusion that someone could make my dad distrust and dislike his own children.
I am filled with worry that I should even post this.

It is said that you live life forward, but understand it backward. Does he understand?

He has spent his life building, repairing, fixing what was broken.

Can this be fixed?

I'm going to post this quick. Before I loose my nerve. Because it is so. And because I wasn't there to help.

(Because I am weak, I reserve the right to remove this at the first twinge of guilt.)

Addendum: Look what has been stolen. Our family, our bond, our parental love, all taken from us by a manipulator and a thief. For 65 years he has been ours. We have loved all of him. Even the cranky part. (Which has been passed on to us as our birthright.)

I Wish...

Here's what I wish. I wish I could wave a wand and make everyone's life happy. I know this sort of thing is normally left to our Creator. But..that does not lessen my frustration. I remember when mom used to try to make sure all her children were happy and getting along. I used to scoff at that. Oh, please, I said. We're fine. We'll work things out.

I now understand.

When my children moved out and we were left empty nesters, I was perfectly happy with it. Except--I was no longer in charge. I was no longer able to assert my will and make sure all was well.

I want their lives and the lives of my brothers and sisters (and their offspring) to be happy and easy. Even though mine was/is not. Even though no life is. Even though I have no control or say in the matter. Still.. sure wish I did.

Quoth Desiderata: "Therefore be at peace with God; and whatever your labours and aspirations, in this noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all the shams, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy"

The Reverend David Christian

Eight years ago as David was lying in a hospital bed, we had no idea what our future held. My concern then, as now, was to just get from one day to the next. Months of hospitals, rehab and physical therapy followed. As he struggled to take his first steps, he never thought this day would come.

It took years. He learned to live with what he had, and how to cope with what he didn't. He got his Masters Degree online. He re-started the ordination process. Went to meetings, conferences, took more classes online and spent hours studying. Went to church twice a week and, with the help of the priest, helped with services, rang bells, did readings. As for me...I bitched the entire time. It's what I do.

The day finally came. On June 26, 2010, David was ordained a deacon in the Episcopal Church. Todd came for the big event. He participated in the service and had the honor of helping put on the deacon stole for the first time. I am informed that only clergy wear a stole to identify them as such (clergy I mean)

Isn't he a fine looking man??? (Sorry, picture taken without flash.)

He was ordained with two others who had been in the deaconate program with him. They were all smiles when the deed was done.

As Cami and I sat in the pews, we were filled with emotion. That he did this..by himself. He was determined and dogged in his pursuit. It is something he has wanted since he was very young. Well, he is gray and crippled now, but he did it. Whatever his past problems, whatever his future may hold, he can take pride in this. And so can his family.

Sometimes Great Things Just Happen

Why doesn't this ever happen when I'm at the mall???



Did you watch?? Are you smiling????

One Nation Under God

Watch to the very end please.
Happy 4th!!!

Just Keep Swimming

What do you do when every day is an adventure, and not the kind where you get to climb Mt. Everest or scuba dive in the Caribbean? A twisted knee, a car repair, stuff breaks, shit happens.
There is something you say. It's a little song. Do you remember it?
What do you do when just the thought of not having a job scares you.
Because work is a blessing. You thank God you are able to work at all. You are pursuing something. You are able. You can look forward.
Well...you sing the song. Just keep singing it.
What d'ya want? A cookie?

Simple Pleasures

I've been waiting to be inspired. Still waiting.

Have you ever had the feeling that life is a crap sandwich, and every day you take a bite?? Of course you have. So, while waiting for some great inspiration, the little voice in my head said--"turn around".

I turned-- and saw that I still have the ability to enjoy the little things. Simple pleasures that make me smile.

Like a beautiful sunset. The smell of fresh cut grass. Hitting all the green lights. A field of daffodils. Finding a good parking place. Fresh tomatoes. A stack of unread books. Clean sheets. Spring.

To qualify as a simple pleasure, it must not cost much and must result in a spontaneous, involuntary smile. It sometimes feels like serendipity. Sometimes it just makes you go "ahhh". You expel your held breath, and know that this is good.

Now, all that is very ethereal. But this...this is real. You can hold it, taste it, savor it.
This is something that makes me smile whenever I find it And, for some reason, it is not everywhere. (Why not???)

Yes. A candy bar. It's just a little thing. But it makes me happy.

(No. I am not a spokesman for the Mars Company)

Just A Trifle

What better excuse for something yummy. Easter and strawberries.

My cooking usually consists of dumping a bunch of ingredients together and calling it a meal.. For this little trifle, there was slicing, actual cooking, whisking, whipping, folding and building.

Really, I'm just showing off.
Look what I made!! Pretty

Happy Birthday...90!

Okay, not til March 11. But..the family is having the party today, so I want to pretend I'm there by adding my contribution to the celebration.
No, it's not chocolate cake or chip dip.
It's this...

Tagged

Meghan did it.

4 Shows I like to watch:
NCIS...NCIS...NCIS
CSI ..all of 'em

HGTV..anything

Old movies

4 Things I'm passionate about:
Cami, Todd
Staying organized
The J.O.B David and I have

Beautiful music and good books

4 Phrases I say a lot:

Well, hell

I'm coming dear
Thank you

Love you

4 Things I have learned from the past:
Expect the unexpected
Some friends are forever. Some not

Most people are good
I'm old, so I've forgotten most of the things from the past anyway

4 Places I would like to go:
North Carolina
Utah
A Caribbean island..any will do
Road trip

4 Things I did yesterday:
Took David to church
Prepared 100 anesthesia records
Mopped the floor (love swiffer)

Strolled around the internets

4 Things I'm looking forward to:
Getting my windshield wipers fixed before..
Spring

Being thin..any minute now
My bad haircut growing out

4 Things I love about winter:
Nothing
Zip

Zero
Nada

4 Things on my wish list:
A new wheelchair (see, I share my wishes)

A maid (yes, I wish to be a princess)
Enough money to be financially and personally secure

Happy children

4 People I tag:
I double dawg tag Cheryl and Jolene

The double dawg counts as two

So that equals four tags

Right???